Tourism is a necessary evil: it produces a lot of income, but — especially in certain times — it invades cities and hinders the landscape and lives of local residents. Every summer, a malón of Argentines flee desperate to breathe other air, other air very close: the Uruguayan coasts.
Of those visitors, most are Buenos Aires, with all that implies. The hosts of Argentinean summer owners suffer from their customs, their accelerated pace and their habit of shouting. Like Enrique Alzugaray , a Montevidean who lived eight years in Buenos Aires and a while ago wrote his own tips for those who arrive at his beaches during the season:
1) Dissimulate the Buenos Aires accent, we prefer a thousand times to speak to us in Taiwanese or Afghan than hear that self-sufficient Buenos Aires accent.
2) Walk as God commands, not with that short step and compadron that you have and which is unbearable. They are seen coming and even the neighborhood where they live in Buenos Aires seems to smell from afar.
3) Lower the tone of voice, we already know that there are porteños around here, we have been listening to you from La Mansa. Talk lower, you don't need to brag to screams.
4) Don't ask so many questions to the cuete, that is another way you have to make yourself look. They ask even for the biggest obvious things. Look, we Orientals are not coming into the world with a mission to evacuate your consultations.
5) Do not praise us so much, we do not need to pass each time our hand on the spine. Stop humping with whom you love Uruguay, nobody loves Uruguay, not even ourselves.
Anyway, as one who is forced to spend a season with his most odious relatives, Enrique closes his enumeration with an unavoidable truth:
There would be more to tell you, but this is the most important thing. Enjoy our shores and come back whenever you want. They don't promise us anything, we have enough to see them arrive every year and know them brothers (despite everything).
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