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Every summer, a malón of Argentines flees desperately to breathe other air, very close: the Uruguayan coasts.
Tourism is a necessary evil: it produces a great deal of income, but — especially at certain times — invades cities and hinders the landscape and lives of local residents. Every summer, a malon of Argentines flees desperately to breathe other air, other air very close: the Uruguayan coasts.
Of those visitors, most of them are Porteños, with everything that implies. The hosts of Argentinian holidaymakers suffer from their customs, their accelerated pace and their habit of shouting. Like Enrique Alzugaray , a Montevidean who lived eight years in Buenos Aires and a while ago wrote his own tips for those who come to their beaches during the season:
1) Dissimulate the Buenos Aires accent, we prefer a thousand times to speak to us in Taiwanese or Afghan than to hear that self-sufficient Buenos Aires accent.
2) Walk as God commands, not with that short and comrron step that you have and that is unbearable. You can see them coming, and even the neighborhood they live in in Buenos Aires seems to smell from afar.
3) Lower the tone of voice, we already know that there are porteños here, we have been listening to them from La Mansa. Speak down, you don't need to brag at the screams.
4) Do not ask so many questions to the question, that is another way you have to show yourself. They even ask for the biggest obvious. Notice that the Orientals do not come into the world with the mission of evacuating their consultations.
5) Do not praise us so much, we do not need to pass our hand on the back every time. Stop humping with that you love Uruguay, no one loves Uruguay, not even ourselves.
However, as one who is forced to spend a season with his most odious relatives, Henry closes his enumeration with a truth impossible to avoid:
There would be more to tell you, but this is the most important thing. Enjoy our shores and come back whenever you want. Nor do they promise us anything, we have enough to see them arrive every year and know them brothers (despite everything).
Publication Date: 19/04/2018
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