Say No More.

Summer arrives and hundreds of  couples  and  families  populate our beaches in search of the much-desired holiday. Holidays that do not always turn out as they were thought.

Scenes of unrest among the members of a couple are replicated all over the coast... A quiet man with a lost look... a woman swimming in a cataract of words seems not to register whether or not there is an interlocutor.

The result: “She doesn't stop talking...“(thinks He);" He does not speak...“(she says). In both cases, the expectation of the relaxed meeting outside the annual routine, reveals more than ever the  disappointment  of the word and the difficulty in communicating.

From the  psychological point of view, we know that any disturbance of the daily rhythm produces all kinds of emotional triggering. It will be that the work maelstrom, the school agenda, the routines, etc.  hide  the darkest aspects of each and that each one prefers to attribute to the other.

And it is at that very moment where the substitutions of the disencounter appear, creating all kinds of “summer activities”: every night asadito, four for boys, surfboards for seas without waves, eternal waiting for dinner in noisy restaurants, games that decades ago call for boys, girls and children and  teenagers  to get tickets that will never have a prize, craft fairs without handicrafts and plagued with objects made in China, multitudinous meetings with friends and friends of friends.

Consequently, the choice is stress as a mode of  vacation, as a way to  endure the unbearable  of the encounter with the other.

Is it a holiday capable of deteriorating a family?

This is a question often asked by people who go to family or partner therapies. There is no exact answer as it can happen as much as if it does not. Below we will explain why.

True, during family holidays it is customary that there are rubbing and discussions. This may be due to the expectations with which we arrived at the beginning of our  rest period. It is a set of individualities with different desires and perspectives about what you want to do on holidays. Therefore, if something does not go as expected, this can generate frustration and anger.

Lack of routine is a factor to consider. Throughout the year we make real efforts to organize the schedules and the week and end up working as precise clocks, on the other hand, holidays force us to face more time doing nothing, more coexistence and more improvisation. That is why it is necessary to adapt, be flexible and cared for both the situations and the needs of all members.

 Normal and expected is that it is discussed , negotiated, quarrelled and resolved, but when the latter does not happen, what comes to light are unresolved conflicts that flourish at this stage by their nature. That is, the fact that we have to live with our family more time inevitably causes more discussion and friction, but when it is not possible to reach an agreement this is due to unresolved conflicts that come from earlier. Vacation alone does not cause a break, they are simply a trigger when problems accumulate.

Usually holidays are chaos, but families have resources to solve it. Accepting chaos is not easy, and when there are unresolved issues in the family, they are more vulnerable. Therapy seeks to encourage flexibility, organization and planning. Patients are provided with communicative tools to adapt to everyone's needs and negotiate for peaceful coexistence. But above all, they are trying to resolve those conflicts, which, although they arise during the holidays, remain all year round.

In conclusion, we can say that holidays are a challenge for the family. The ability to adapt to the needs of each member is tested. That is why it is important to organize them in such a way that everyone has their space, from the couple, children and parents. This requires a proper distribution of power, allowing parents to make decisions, but taking care of the opinion of others, and accepting that coexistence involves friction, and when these occur, we must know how to close them properly.